A Mother’s Prayer
Below is Misty’s view and prayer:
I don’t want to believe what the doctor has said. I am still praying for his previous 3 double dose immunotherapy treatments and 1 chemo treatment to keep attacking the cancer on his lungs and return Jr’s lungs to their previous condition, before the melanoma. But I also hear the doctors words in my head very clearly that he doesn’t think he has more than a few days left to live. I know doctors do not know everything, and God is the ultimate physician, but doctors have studied the body and have this experience. Why am I letting the doctor’s words drown out my faith in God’s healing powers? But I also know from experience that sometimes God’s healing is done by taking His child home.
I also have seen things change with my own eyes - Jr isn’t eating or drinking. He isn’t able to check his text messages on his phone because he is shaking too much and gets frustrated. I watched him hit the bed with his fists out of frustration because of his shortness of breath. A few days ago, Shawn took off Jr’s compression socks and it looked like they were hurting his feet but Jr couldn’t feel it. He is so weak and tired. He has not communicated all day today.
I had actually thought before any of these recent happenings that the month of July would be hard for Jr. He would be getting a 2nd chemo treatment and he would have to deal with all the side effects from it. But then I saw him getting stronger and receiving the single dose immunotherapy over the next 1-2 years, until he was completely healthy. I could see all of this so clearly. But is what I believed would happen going to happen?
I truly do want God’s will to be done in this situation. I want to be obedient. But I am also still crying out for God to heal my son on earth to glorify Him. My heart and soul are so confused on how to pray right now. I don’t want Jr to suffer but I also don’t want him to quit fighting.
Oh dear Holy Spirit, please pray for me. I do not have the words to do it and I am too emotionally drained.
Misty, my heart is breaking for you. I too have been praying that God would glorify Himself by healing Shawn Jr. But even if He has other plans, He is certainly being glorified by your faith and steadfastness, which are a reflection of Christ in you. The Lord is holding on to you and will never let you go; may He comfort you with the knowledge of His love and faithfulness today.
ReplyDeleteMisty, in your rawness and exhaustion you have continued to have a great cloud of witnesses supporting you in prayer. God knows your heart desire in the confusion. David was a man after God's own heart, not because he was perfect but because he learned how to live through pain and suffering and the sanctification process that hurt and was confusing. He accepted what God gave him; cried, wept, fasted, prayed, but kept moving forward and not going back to the way things were before his trial. He was honest with God on what he wanted God to do, but he submitted to him as the Creator, just as you are doing BY FAITH. It's by faith. That's what we have in this tragedy, faith. We see dimly but God sees fully. Someday we will see fully and be fully known, but for today faith, hope, and love is enough. You have enough faith to walk this because it's not dependent upon you, but the Holy Spirit he has put within you, on the God who died for you, on the Savior who did it all.
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