Shawn Jr's Journey

Exactly one year ago today Shawn Jr died in a hospital bed at MD Anderson in Houston, TX.     Misty and I were on either side of him holding his hand as he took his last breath.   I hope that is the most agonizing moment of my life because I am not sure I would survive anything more. Shawn Jr’s death is like a dull pain that seems to constantly be throbbing in my heart and mind.   While the pain is sometimes sharp and powerful, most often it is just this dull, aching reminder that life will never be as it once was.   It’s like I can never be fully happy because a piece of our family, and a piece of me, is missing. I was talking to our family and we cannot decide if the last year has been fast or slow.   It has been filled with the normal ups and downs of life.   The terrible memories of Shawn’s death come back periodically and often at unexpected times.   They come back when I see something or hear something that reminds me of him.   Skylin will complain about something

“The Last Dance,” the  ESPN documentary about the 1998 Chicago Bulls, started tonight.  As I was watching it I was reminded of the LeBron James vs. Michael Jordan debate Shawn Jr and I would always have.  Long before he was declaring Luka the GOAT (a bit in jest) he was always telling me how LBJ was the greatest basketball player ever.  How he would certainly beat MJ. That LeBron was the better athlete.  The better teammate.   That he made everyone around him better in a way that Jordan never did.  He made compelling arguments.  LeBron is a special player on and off the court.  I have always been a LeBron fan (even when it was not popular to like LeBron).  But, I still say MJ was the best to ever play the game.  His 6 and 0 finals record and dominate play is almost certain to stand the test of time - for a very long time.    Watching “The Last Dance” tonight, I kept thinking about how much I wish Shawn Jr was right beside me watching it.  I am not sure he ever really appreciated the gr

Today marks 6 months since Shawn Jr died.  Sometimes it feels like it happened just yesterday.   Other times it feels like it happened 2 years ago.  The hard memories from his last few days are still very fresh in my mind.  Time passing has not really “helped.”   I am not sad as often.  But the depth of the pain when I have certain memories seems just as deep.   The sadness comes in waves.  Christmas and New Year’s Eve were not as hard as I expected.   It did feel like the family was incomplete.  But the people and energy in the house kept it happy.   While the holidays were tolerable, this past week has been hard.   I am not sure why.  The oddest things seem to trigger memories and pain.  However, I also regularly find happiness in my life.   Even memories of Shawn Jr sometimes make me happy.  I hope over time, the memories of him will make me more happy than sad.   I am certainly happy for the gift of the 21 years I had with him.   I don’t think I will ever be “back to normal.”  I wo