6 Months Later

Today marks 6 months since Shawn Jr died.  Sometimes it feels like it happened just yesterday.   Other times it feels like it happened 2 years ago.  The hard memories from his last few days are still very fresh in my mind.  Time passing has not really “helped.”   I am not sad as often.  But the depth of the pain when I have certain memories seems just as deep.  

The sadness comes in waves.  Christmas and New Year’s Eve were not as hard as I expected.   It did feel like the family was incomplete.  But the people and energy in the house kept it happy.   While the holidays were tolerable, this past week has been hard.   I am not sure why.  The oddest things seem to trigger memories and pain.  However, I also regularly find happiness in my life.   Even memories of Shawn Jr sometimes make me happy.  I hope over time, the memories of him will make me more happy than sad.   I am certainly happy for the gift of the 21 years I had with him.  

I don’t think I will ever be “back to normal.”  I won’t ever feel like I did before Shawn Jr died.  This is the new normal.  


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