6 Months Later
Today marks 6 months since Shawn Jr died. Sometimes it feels like it happened just yesterday. Other times it feels like it happened 2 years ago. The hard memories from his last few days are still very fresh in my mind. Time passing has not really “helped.” I am not sad as often. But the depth of the pain when I have certain memories seems just as deep.
The sadness comes in waves. Christmas and New Year’s Eve were not as hard as I expected. It did feel like the family was incomplete. But the people and energy in the house kept it happy. While the holidays were tolerable, this past week has been hard. I am not sure why. The oddest things seem to trigger memories and pain. However, I also regularly find happiness in my life. Even memories of Shawn Jr sometimes make me happy. I hope over time, the memories of him will make me more happy than sad. I am certainly happy for the gift of the 21 years I had with him.
I don’t think I will ever be “back to normal.” I won’t ever feel like I did before Shawn Jr died. This is the new normal.