Waiting

We are waiting to go to MD Anderson next Wednesday for our first appointment.  The waiting is hard and scary.  

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6 Years - Not How It Should Be

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 “ The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit .”  Psalm 34:18 In these days, that promise feels like the only thing giving some parents hope. Today is July 11 and marks 6 years since Shawn Jr. left this earth, going from our arms into Jesus’.   Sadly, you can’t open a news site without seeing fresh reminders of parents just beginning the same awful journey.   Over the July 4th weekend, torrential rain sent the Guadalupe River roaring through Camp Mystic, a century-old girls’ camp in the Texas Hill Country.   In less than an hour, the water rose almost 30 feet, engulfing cabins and sweeping away Mystic campers and counselors, including Hanna and Rebecca Lawrence (twin 8-year-old sisters from Dallas), 9-year-old Lila Bonner, little Eloise Peck, and 23 others.   These children are part of the devastating story of over 100 lives lost in the Texas floods. No parent should ever have to utter the words “my child died.” ...
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  It has been 5 years since Shawn Jr. died.   Some days it feels like an eternity has gone by, yet the painful memory of sitting beside Shawn's bed at MD Anderson is as vivid as if it happened yesterday. This past year has been another journey through the ebb and flow of life.   Lots of exciting things are happening in the Helms family (e.g., second grandchild coming any day, Shawn Fletcher growing up fast, younger Helms kids in real relationships, older Helms kids with real jobs and responsibilities, cheerleading, volleyball, school, etc.). I often think about how Shawn Jr. would react to the happenings of this past year had he survived his battle with melanoma.   He would be 26 years old.   He would be super excited about the growing Helms family and looking forward to meeting his new nephew.   He would be giving Noelle a hard time for living in Houston.   He would certainly be thrilled that the Texas Rangers won the World Series, Luka won an NBA...
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Exactly one year ago today Shawn Jr died in a hospital bed at MD Anderson in Houston, TX.     Misty and I were on either side of him holding his hand as he took his last breath.   I hope that is the most agonizing moment of my life because I am not sure I would survive anything more. Shawn Jr’s death is like a dull pain that seems to constantly be throbbing in my heart and mind.   While the pain is sometimes sharp and powerful, most often it is just this dull, aching reminder that life will never be as it once was.   It’s like I can never be fully happy because a piece of our family, and a piece of me, is missing. I was talking to our family and we cannot decide if the last year has been fast or slow.   It has been filled with the normal ups and downs of life.   The terrible memories of Shawn’s death come back periodically and often at unexpected times.   They come back when I see something or hear something that reminds me of him. ...
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