Shawn Jr's Journey

  It has been 5 years since Shawn Jr. died.   Some days it feels like an eternity has gone by, yet the painful memory of sitting beside Shawn's bed at MD Anderson is as vivid as if it happened yesterday. This past year has been another journey through the ebb and flow of life.   Lots of exciting things are happening in the Helms family (e.g., second grandchild coming any day, Shawn Fletcher growing up fast, younger Helms kids in real relationships, older Helms kids with real jobs and responsibilities, cheerleading, volleyball, school, etc.). I often think about how Shawn Jr. would react to the happenings of this past year had he survived his battle with melanoma.   He would be 26 years old.   He would be super excited about the growing Helms family and looking forward to meeting his new nephew.   He would be giving Noelle a hard time for living in Houston.   He would certainly be thrilled that the Texas Rangers won the World Series, Luka won an NBA...

It has been 4 years since July 11, 2019.  On this anniversary of his death, I want to take a moment to reminisce about all the things that made Shawn Jr. so special.  When remembering Shawn, it's funny how the big milestones are not nearly as important as the small things.  It's the little things, the everyday moments, that made him who he was.  As I sit down to write this blog post, I find myself smiling at the memories of him.  I was thinking about his quirky jokes, subtle gestures, infectious smile, and everyday preferences that defined him and made him such an amazing and likable person.  Below is a list of things that his family and friends remember about him.  It’s funny how he didn’t really change but related to all of us in a different way and how we all cherish his memory through our own unique lens.  I will admit, some of these aspects don’t register with me the way they do others.  But, all of these recollections give our collectiv...

 Another year has passed.  It is hard to believe that it has been 3 years since Shawn Jr. left us.  Whenever I reflect on Shawn’s death, it sometimes feels like long ago and sometimes it doesn’t.  When I think about everything that has happened in our family in 3 years, it seems like a long time.  But, I can remember sitting beside Shawn’s bed at MD Anderson like it was only yesterday. While lots of events have happened, the biggest one happened just 12 weeks ago.  Misty and I became grandparents when Reese and Brittany welcomed little Shawn Fletcher Wilson into our family.  Little Shawn Fletcher is named after Shawn Jr and has been growing and changing every day.  Fletcher has been a joy to have around and is a daily reminder that life changes fast. Speaking of time passing quickly, how can I already be a grandpa?  It feels like it was just yesterday when Misty and I were in high school.  In just 3 years, we have had one family member l...

Shawn Jr died two years ago today.     That means 730 days have gone by since we watched Shawn Jr take his last breath.    Sometimes it still feels like yesterday.   Shawn’s death is now the milestone that we use for everything in our family.    When we are talking about events, we always reference if the event was before or after Shawn Jr died.    This weekend our family is in Los Angeles at the wedding of Bryan Knostman, one of Shawn Jr’s very best friends.    Josh is standing in for Shawn Jr as a groomsman.    Almost of all of Shawn Jr’s best friends are here.    It’s hard to see this group of people together without him.     He would have loved to be here with this crew celebrating Bryan getting married to Jess.    It is such a bitter sweet moment.  Watching Shawn’s friends hit major life milestones is a difficult reminder that he is not here and had so much life ahead ...

Exactly one year ago today Shawn Jr died in a hospital bed at MD Anderson in Houston, TX.     Misty and I were on either side of him holding his hand as he took his last breath.   I hope that is the most agonizing moment of my life because I am not sure I would survive anything more. Shawn Jr’s death is like a dull pain that seems to constantly be throbbing in my heart and mind.   While the pain is sometimes sharp and powerful, most often it is just this dull, aching reminder that life will never be as it once was.   It’s like I can never be fully happy because a piece of our family, and a piece of me, is missing. I was talking to our family and we cannot decide if the last year has been fast or slow.   It has been filled with the normal ups and downs of life.   The terrible memories of Shawn’s death come back periodically and often at unexpected times.   They come back when I see something or hear something that reminds me of him. ...

“The Last Dance,” the  ESPN documentary about the 1998 Chicago Bulls, started tonight.  As I was watching it I was reminded of the LeBron James vs. Michael Jordan debate Shawn Jr and I would always have.  Long before he was declaring Luka the GOAT (a bit in jest) he was always telling me how LBJ was the greatest basketball player ever.  How he would certainly beat MJ. That LeBron was the better athlete.  The better teammate.   That he made everyone around him better in a way that Jordan never did.  He made compelling arguments.  LeBron is a special player on and off the court.  I have always been a LeBron fan (even when it was not popular to like LeBron).  But, I still say MJ was the best to ever play the game.  His 6 and 0 finals record and dominate play is almost certain to stand the test of time - for a very long time.    Watching “The Last Dance” tonight, I kept thinking about how much I wish Shawn Jr was right beside ...

Today marks 6 months since Shawn Jr died.  Sometimes it feels like it happened just yesterday.   Other times it feels like it happened 2 years ago.  The hard memories from his last few days are still very fresh in my mind.  Time passing has not really “helped.”   I am not sad as often.  But the depth of the pain when I have certain memories seems just as deep.   The sadness comes in waves.  Christmas and New Year’s Eve were not as hard as I expected.   It did feel like the family was incomplete.  But the people and energy in the house kept it happy.   While the holidays were tolerable, this past week has been hard.   I am not sure why.  The oddest things seem to trigger memories and pain.  However, I also regularly find happiness in my life.   Even memories of Shawn Jr sometimes make me happy.  I hope over time, the memories of him will make me more happy than sad.   I am certainly happy for the gift of...